


one for sorrow, two for joy

by reachedthebitterend



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21736861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachedthebitterend/pseuds/reachedthebitterend
Summary: Alex sends Michael shiny things that are pretty, and Michael turns them into wind chimes.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 5
Kudos: 108





	one for sorrow, two for joy

**Author's Note:**

> Written on: 09/03/19

Alex is too angry, too concerned about stopping the bleeding and getting himself together so that no one questions him when he gets to school, to notice anything else when he stalks into the tool shed to get at the supplies he hid in there, just in case.

He’s stuffing cotton up his nose to stop the bleeding, thankful that at least his dad didn’t slam his face that hard into the wall when he pushed him against it, when a light shines in his eyes distracting him.

He blinks a little and furrows his brow as he looks out the window and sees the source of the light.

His brow furrows even more in confusion as he stares at what can only be a wind chime, but a home made one, made with twine and bits of metal and glass.

Alex gets up from where he’d been sitting on the floor and goes over to the couch, kneeling on it so that he can prop his elbows on the window ledge and touch one of the pieces of glass.

It’s smooth to the touch, but looks rough, like it was sand that had smoothed out it’s sharp edges.

One of the hanging nuts has a rolled up piece of paper inside and Alex would ignore it as decorational but it’s the only one that has it.

He tugs the paper out, and unfolds it, and his heart starts pounding in his chest and he feels like he can’t breathe right when he recognizes the small, meticulous handwriting that belongs to Michael Guerin.

_We’re studying corvids in Bio II, and the magpie, kind of reminds me of you, and how you’re black and white and decorate yourself with shiny, iridescent things, but I noticed that you don’t really have anything in here that shows that part of you, and so I made this wind chime for you, as a thank you for letting me stay here. I really appreciate it._

_G_

Alex reads the note through twice and smiles, looking back up to the wind chime and reaching out to touch one of the glass pieces, where it’s been meticulously wrapped in wire and hung, even the pieces of metal are shaped which speaks of a degree of skill that Alex didn’t think someone like Guerin would have.

He bites his lip and touches the piece shaped almost like a tiny metal guitar, and thinks that maybe he should pull out his brother’s old guitar and leave it here for Guerin to find.

*

(The ache in Michael’s hand is ongoing and never ending, and by the beginning of the second week, he thinks that maybe he’ll be dealing with that ache for the rest of his life.

He gets into his truck, slamming the door shut and ignores the paperwork he’d just gotten from the office and starts the truck.

He looks up to adjust the rearview mirror and freezes.

Hanging beneath it is a dream catcher. It looks a little worn, but well taken care off, the strings creating the design in the center are pure white, and the feathers hanging from beneath it are black and iridescent.

He knows that it’s from Alex even if he hadn’t found one of the pieces from the wind chime he’d given him hanging from it.

He remembers Alex telling him that the reason he painted his nails a black that glittered blue, purple, and green in the sunlight was because that’s the color of a crow’s feather, which were the feathers his mom used to make him a dream catcher to help with his nightmares.

Michael had joked that Alex didn’t need to be afraid of his dreams with him around and Alex had laughed, bright and happy and Michael had thought that it was the only sound that he wanted to hear for the rest of his life.

His hand spasms with pain and Michael looks away from the dream catcher and shakes his head sharply once before he sniffs and puts the truck into drive.

Now the only sound that he can’t seem to shake is the way that Alex screamed as his dad took a hammer to Michael’s hand.)

*

Isobel wrinkles her nose and stares around the Airstream, “You really need to clean this place up if you’re planning on entertaining company.”

She gave a significant pause before the last word, letting him know that she knew all about Alex Manes, who had been sighted in town for the first time in three years. 

But Michael like always ignores her and slouches back even further on his bed, jostling the dream catcher that’s hanging from the edge of the headboard.

“You don’t really seem like the type of person who would be into that stuff,” Isobel says, more a question than a comment.

Michael doesn’t answer. He just reaches out and touches one of the feathers a strange look on his face, lost and wistful.

Isobel stares at him startled and incredulous.

When did this happen? When did this happen? And how did she not notice? 

She knew that he had a thing for Alex, Max had told her what happened at prom, but she had no idea that it had gotten this out of hand.

He was at Max pining for Liz levels of energy right now, and Isobel really didn’t need another love sick brother.

She clears her throat loudly, “When was the last time you spoke to him?” She asks, sounding defensive which immediately puts Michael on guard.

He sits up, dislodging the mail that he had been going through when she arrived, and looks at her. “What are you talking about?”

Isobel wants to push the subject because she doesn’t think Michael will talk about it otherwise, but the way that he looks at her stops her short.

He’s pleading with her to drop it, so she does with a sigh.

“Max,” she replies, and gives him a look when he tenses up immediately and gets to his feet.

“I’m going to take a shower,” he says, and pulls his shirt over his head throwing the dirty shirt at Isobel.

Isobel scoffs as she catches it and throws it to the pile of dirty clothes he has in one corner.

She says, “One of you is eventually going to tell what actually happened between the two of you that night!”

Michael turns the water on in response.

Isobel rolls her eyes and stands up.

She looks at the dream catcher, at the shiny beads that decorate the strands in the form of a constellation, and the shiny black feathers that seem to shimmer in different colors.

She purses her mouth and looks over the piles of stones and glass and metal bits he has all over the counter. Her gaze is caught by something hanging right above Michael’s desk on a small rig. A wind chime of all things.

Isobel shakes her head and grabs her purse.

She walks out of the Airstream and ducks her head to look inside of Michael’s truck as she passes and sure enough, there’s another dream catcher there, hanging from the rearview mirror, the pure white circle stained yellow by the constant sunlight, and hanging right next to it were a pair of dog tags that Isobel didn’t have to read to know who they belonged to.

She looks back to the Airstream, and sees the shadow of Michael through the covered windows moving from one side of the Airstream to the other.

Again she wonders exactly how long this has been going on, and why she didn’t notice before.

She pulls her phone out and texts Max to meet her at the Crashdown. Maybe he’ll know more, and maybe if he’s too busy that hot lawyer from the day before would be by for lunch again.

*

(Alex is tired, about to take a well deserved nap before he has to report for duty when there is something thrown on his chest.

He opens his eyes and glares at the airman, James standing in front of him holding the bag with their correspondence.

James grins at him. “You’ve got mail, and also,” he tugs another envelope and tosses it at Alex. “I got your replacement tags, just don’t lose them again.”

Alex nods his head and sits up to grab the envelope he’d closed earlier, a plain white paper with the Air Force insignia in one corner and Michael’s PO Box written meticulously on the front.

James takes the envelope from him and shakes it slightly. The stones and glass and shells that Alex picks up during his patrols rattle noisily but James just grins like Alex being predictable is the best thing to happen to him all day and continues down the line.

Alex sits up and puts the envelope with his new dog tags aside before he grabs the small package that James had thrown at him first and opens it eagerly as soon as he recognizes Michael’s handwriting.

He carefully pulls the wind chime out, and smiles at the metal stars and smooth marbled planets made from pieces of glass that Alex sent him.

He sets the box aside and gets up from his bed, and walks to the small window right beside the small bedside drawer.

He hangs the wind chime right beside the other two Michael has sent him.

He carefully passes his hand over it and smiles and the sound it makes and sits back down on his bed, grabbing the box and pulling out the note.

_I missed you so much I sent the moon with a kiss from me to you._

Alex smiles, biting down on his lip as he puts the note aside with the others, and stands back up to look out the window.

The moon shines brightly in the sky, and Alex presses a hand against the glass covering the moon briefly before he presses his palm to his mouth and closes his eyes remembering the last time that he saw Michael.

Alex has no idea what he’s doing. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t just cut off all ties between him and Michael, but what he does know is that it seems like Michael seems to understand exactly what to do with whatever it is that Alex is giving him.

Alex just hopes that in the end, it’s enough.)

*

Alex makes it to the Airstream before Michael is done with his last car of the day.

He tells Alex that there is cold beer inside when Alex kicks at his shin to get his attention, and Alex stares at the strip of pale skin exposed by the way he’s stretched out beneath the truck.

Alex shakes his head and walks inside to get the beer.

He takes two out of the tiny fridge and sets them on top of the counter to look for a bottle opener.

He turns towards the desk and stops when he notices the small rig set up from where an incomplete wind chime is hanging. Alex looks back out through the window and he can see that Michael is still beneath the truck.

He walks over to the desk, and smiles when he sees the tools he uses and pieces of glass and metal shavings scattered all over the top of the desk.

He passes his fingers over the glass, and presses the incomplete metal figurines against the palm of his hand before he reaches up and makes the pieces attached to the wind chime hit against each other to make the twinkling soothing sound, and he closes his eyes and smiles lightly.

He feels hands brushing against his shoulders and sliding down to wrap around his wrists as Michael presses up close behind him, opening his mouth against the back of Alex’s neck.

“You get lost looking for the beers?” Michael asks, voice a low rumble right against Alex’s skin.

Alex shakes his head as he leans back into Michael. “I couldn’t find a bottle opener.”

Michael hums low in his throat and presses a kiss to the side of Alex’s neck.

Alex arches his head to the side and Michael places another kiss, higher up, and then another right behind his ear.

Alex sighs, and Michael presses in even closer, trapping Alex’s hands to the table as he presses another kiss behind his ear.

“You know,” he breathes the words right up against Alex’s skin making him shiver as his eyes flutter open and close. “I always wonder what you were doing when you find the pieces you send to me. If you were on patrol or hiding from an enemy or sneaking around with a local in the back seat of his car.”

Alex smiles and tilts his head to the side to look at Michael as much as he can from the position he’s in.

“If you want to know something, all you have to do is ask,” Alex whispers back.

Michael pulls away a little to look at Alex’s face, and Alex stares right back not hiding anything.

Michael’s brow furrows, and Alex can see that there is a question that he wants to ask, but he’s afraid of what Alex will answer.

Alex pulls against his hold and Michael lets him go easily, not moving back as Alex turns in the small space.

Alex leans back against the desk and puts his hands on Michael’s shoulders.

“I mean it,” Alex insists. 

Michael stares at him for a long second, and Alex thinks that maybe they’re actually going to talk about this, but then something changes in Michael’s eyes.

He licks his lips and leans into Alex, smirking a little. “I always wondered what you were doing when you found the dark green one with the gold flecks that you said looked like my eyes do when I’m about to come.”

Alex licks his lips, smirking as he slides his hands up into Michael’s hair dragging his short nails across his scalp.

Michael’s eyes flutter close and his mouth falls open.

“Well,” Alex says, and he tightens his fingers in Michael’s hair. “I can tell you that or-”

Michael gasps and his eyes fly open, and he stares straight at Alex, whiskey colored eyes getting darker as his pupils expand rapidly, lips still parted, tongue pressed to his top lip.

“I can just show you,” Alex finishes and kisses Michael before he can reply.

*

(Alex is gone when he wakes up. Not that Michael had expected him to stay. 

Especially after Alex tried to get him to open up and Michael had distracted him with sex.

It was a reflex, that always worked, and while Michael was the one to do it, Alex let himself be distracted.

Michael drags his hands across his face and heads towards the bathroom.

He gets ready quickly and heads for his truck.

If he hurries he’ll make it to the Crashdown before the morning rush.

He gets in the truck and turns it on with a flick of his fingers, not really in the mood to search for his keys.

He looks to the rearview mirror and freezes.

He remembers how three years after Alex left he’d come back, had been seen in town by everyone and their mother, but not Michael.

Michael hadn’t known what to think about it. Alex had been sending him letters full of bits of metal and smooth colorful stones and sand or water smoothed pieces of colored glass and had obviously gotten his gifts and the notes, but he never replied. Only sent more things for Michael to keep in piles on his counters, that he would eventually use to make wind chimes that hang around the Airstream and wherever it was that Alex was staying.

Michael had felt lost and like maybe it was a sign from Alex that he didn’t want to continue whatever it was that they were doing. And then he’d gotten into his truck, and found the dog tags hanging from the rearview mirror, settled right in between two of the feathers as though they were always hanging there.

Today there is another necklace, one that he’s seen around Alex’s neck plenty of times.

Alex had told him that they’d been attacked en route to another base. He’d had all of his things packed into his duffel and the only thing that he’d been able to salvage where two charms that had been hanging from two different wind chimes. A golden star that Michael had burnt his fingers trying to get into shape, and the tiny metal guitar from the first wind chime he’d ever left for Alex.

Michael touches the pointed edges of the star, and shakes his head.

He has no idea what Alex is trying to say, but he’s willing to listen, as long as Alex keeps speaking.)

*

Maria sips from her lemonade and looks at Michael out of the corner of her eye.

He hasn’t said much since he followed her to the stand in order to give Max and Liz some privacy, but he hasn’t walked off to shoot his shot with someone else, either.

Maria wants to say something, but she’s never really talked to Michael outside of the bar or without an excuse. 

It’s not that she finds it difficult to start a conversation. It’s more that being in this place surrounded by these people is making her feel hopeful that she might find something to help her mom, and she wants to share that with Michael, but he doesn’t really seem like he shares her belief.

He seems a little lost, and Maria wants to know what it’s about, but she always has more trouble reading Michael than anyone else.

It’s part of the reason why she lets herself be vulnerable around him because she can’t feel anything from him but sense of steadiness that makes her feel calm.

She looks at him again and there’s a sad, far away look on his face and she decides just to talk, maybe she can get him out of his head.

“What are you guys hoping to find?” She asks and turns her head to look at him, but Michael isn’t really paying attention.

She sees as something completely catches his attention, and even when she slows down, he keeps walking at the same pace, eyes locked on something only he can see at the moment.

She follows him curiously, and he stops in front of one of the stalls. She slows down and looks around him at the items sold and sees a whole bunch of different dream catchers, obviously meticulously hand made. Some with the same symbol from the flyer weaved into the middle of the hoop, others without it, and some with beautiful nature based designs.

“Did you make all of these?” Michael asks the vendor, a strange intensity to him that Maria can’t really explain.

The vendor shakes her head and gives him a smile. “I just sell them. My mom and some other ladies from her prayer group get together every Friday night and drink too much wine and make them.”

Michael nods his head and points out at one of the dream catchers, one that has the starry night sky weaved over sandy plain. “Do the weavers leave behind signatures like artists do?”

The vendor’s smile goes even wider. “Yes they do. It’s hard to notice because they’re made to blend into the actual weaving pattern. Is there something or someone specific I can help you find?”

Michael shakes his head, “I’ll buy that one, thanks.”

The vendor smiles nodding her head and takes down the dream catcher that Michael had been pointing at, carefully wrapping it in tissue paper and then putting it inside of a paper bag.

Michael gives her two crumpled ten dollar bills and tells her to keep the change before he turns and spots Maria, eyes going a little bit wide as though he’d forgotten that they’d been walking around together.

She gives him a smile from around her straw and then pulls the cup away from her mouth as they start walking towards the parking lot.

“I didn’t know you were into that stuff,” she says pointing towards the dream catchers with her chin.

Michael shakes his head. “I’m not,” he says, voice coming out a little tense like he really doesn’t want to talk about the subject, so she lets it drop, and starts talking about different methods she uses to get a good night’s sleep.

And feels a happy stab of satisfaction when Michael shifts away from his sad, contemplative mood to flirt with her. 

He leaves the dream catcher in the truck as they pass by it, and Maria’s brow furrows a little as she spots the dream catcher hanging from the rearview mirror.

She’s distracted by Liz, who hooks their arms together and drags her over to the tent where the faith healer was going to give her demonstration, and forgets all about it.

*

(Alex is tired and his eyes are burning, and it’s almost daylight by the time he makes it back to the cabin. 

Figuring out the cypher to crack the code in the letters Jim left for Kyle was one thing. It had taken the whole night to decipher the whole thing, and Alex still didn’t fully understand what the letters were trying to say.

Kyle had hustled them both out of the bunker sending Alex home to sleep for at least six hours, or he’ll be by with a syringe to knock him out.

Alex really hates to take anything to make himself sleep so he promised. It wasn’t like it was a hard promise to keep.

Alex really just wanted this day to be over and done with already.

He drags himself out of his car and up the steps of the balcony and very nearly misses the dream catcher hanging from one of the beams.

He looks at it for a long time, before he reaches for it, gently taking it down and touching the pattern woven in the middle carefully.

He finds his mom’s signature, and feels a pinch in his chest.

He knows that it’s not from his mom. And he knows of only one other person who would recognize it as something that she made. It’s not hard to take that leap in logic, especially when he knows that Michael was in Texas and the note that’s rolled up and pinned in place by two strings.

Alex tugs the note out, but he doesn’t read it as he walks across the balcony to the front door.

He opens the door, and the air rushes inside, making the wind chimes he’s got hanging, basically everywhere, move and make sound, a symphony of twinkling beautiful music that always makes Alex feel like he’s at home.)

*

Maria tells him that she’ll give him one shot, one date to prove that he actually wants to do this, and that he’s not using her as some sort of scratching post because he can’t have what he really wants. 

So Michael tries, he really does, and the date seems to be going well, even if he can’t really take her out anywhere, and they’re hanging out at the back of his truck by the firepit covered in a thousand blankets.

Maria laughs at his stupid jokes and drags him to try and dance to the low, staticky sounds coming from his busted up radio.

Which is of course when Alex drives up to the Airstream.

Maria notices him first, and moves away from Michael like she got caught doing something that she shouldn’t.

Michael tracks her gaze and his heart stops when Alex stumbles out of the front seat of his SUV and then goes around towards the trunk of the car without saying anything to them.

Maria leans back against the truck, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders, and Michael takes a step towards the car when Alex appears, carrying a box with him.

Michael feels the dread pool in his stomach.

Alex smiles at them both, with too much teeth and no heart at all, and drops the box right at Michael’s feet.

Michael doesn’t have to look down to see what’s in it. The sound of metal and stones and glass knocking into each other as it’s jostled is more than enough to tell him exactly what’s in the box.

Alex goes back and gets another box, and Michael snaps when he sees the dream catcher he’d gotten him in Texas right at the top.

“What are you doing, Alex?” he asks, and he can’t keep the fear out of his voice.

Alex looks at him, and it’s like he’s wearing a mask. “I’m letting go.”

Michael swallows hard and feels like the ground is falling beneath his feet.

“What?” Michael asks, and Alex’s gaze goes to Maria behind him, and Michael sees the way it cracks his mask so that when he looks back at Michael, all Michael can see is the heartache in his eyes.

It makes his chest ache, and it makes him feel like he’s got something sharp and bitter stuck in the back of his throat.

Michael never wanted to hurt Alex. He didn’t expect this to hurt Alex at all because Alex didn’t want him anymore. And now he doesn’t know what to do with the physical proof that Alex is hurting because Michael is trying to move on.

“I’m doing what you want,” Alex says, voice cracking a little. “You want to move on, so I have to let you go. But I can’t do that if every day I’m reminded of you.”

Michael looks down at the two boxes full of wind chimes and stones and crystals and metal figurines, and all of the things that Michael has left in Alex’s cabin in an attempt to make Alex’s new home more homely. And if he was being honest, also in an attempt to make sure that Alex never forgot about him, no matter what happened.

“Alex,” Michael says, swallowing hard and looking at him seriously. “I’m sorry-”

“No,” Alex says shaking his head. “No, I don’t want to hear an apology, especially because you’re not actually sorry.”

Michael takes a step towards him and Alex takes a matching one back.

“You talk about me, about _us_ , like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you, only concentrating on the bad stuff, like nothing good has ever come from us being together, and I can’t take it anymore.”

He blinks his eyes rapidly and looks away, and Michael tries to breathe, tries to think clearly, but he can’t, when it feels like his chest is caving in, and like he might never recover.

Alex exhales roughly and then looks back at him, shaking his head at whatever it is that he sees in Michael’s eyes. “If you don’t want to remember, then I don’t either.”

“Alex,” Michael says again, voice a little pleading, and Alex shakes his head, eyes darting to Maria and quickly back to Michael.

“I hope that you’re really happy together,” he says, eyes bright with tears, and a smile that he can’t keep on his face.

Michael can’t seem to find any words to say and Alex doesn’t let him anyway as he turns around and gets in his car and leaves.

Michael watches the dust trail his car leaves behind, feeling like he’s standing on unsteady ground, and only moves when he feels Maria come to stand beside him.

He turns to her ready to apologize, but she’s not looking at him. She’s staring at the boxes and the dream catcher that he’d bought in Texas.

“This isn’t going to work out,” she tells him, and looks at him with sad eyes and a small smile on her face. “Not because I don’t like you, or I don’t think we can make this work.”

“Then why?” he asks swallowing hard.

She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “You’re in love with him. It’s as plain as day now that I know what it is. I saw it over the course of the ten years you’ve been practically living at my bar, and I even saw it in Texas, but I didn’t know what it was. Now I do.”

Michael shuts his eyes tightly.

“Guerin,” she says softly and he feels a hand on his elbow. “I had a nice time. This was a great date. But the second Alex pulled up, I knew that it was going to be the last one. I could feel how much pain he was in from the second he got out of the car, and I don’t want to be responsible for that kind of hurt, especially not with Alex when he’s already gone through enough from people who claimed to love him.”

Michael looks at her and she smiles at him, sad and longingly. “I like you. I do. A lot. More than I was expecting if we’re being honest. I don’t regret what happened in Texas, and I don’t regret this date, but you’re settling for me, and I deserve much more than that.”

She leans up and presses a kiss to his cheek. 

“My bar is always open for you, but only as a friend.”

Michael inhales deeply, breathing in the sweet scent of lavender and honeysuckle that seems to always surround Maria, and exhales only when she steps away.

“Okay,” he says nodding his head.

She squeezes his arm and lets him go.

*

(Alex spends a week sleeping on Kyle’s couch and avoiding everyone else.

He just couldn’t stay in the cabin after getting rid of all of Michael’s gifts. The place had seemed empty and cold and nothing like home at all.

It left him feeling empty and cold.

He stops the car right in front of the cabin and inhales deeply. He can’t keep sleeping on Kyle’s couch, and he’d been banned since Kyle had a date tonight, so Alex had to suck it up.

He gets out of the car, grabbing his duffel from the backseat and throws it over his shoulder as he slowly walks to the door 

The air is crisp and cold and there is hardly any wind, which is why he doesn’t notice that there is something hanging right in his path until he almost hits it.

He stops short, brow furrowed, and stares as the dim light coming from a street lamp almost two miles away is caught by the shapeless glass and metal hanging from what has to be another wind chime.

He exhales roughly and pulls his phone out of his pocket.

He turns on his flashlight and gapes when he sees it illuminated, reaching out with one trembling hand to touch the glass and gasping as it lights up and shimmers in blues and greens and pinks.

It’s pieces from the spaceship, all manipulated in some way to create little glass figurines in the shapes of stars and round planets and even a guitar and a little cowboy hat because Michael is nothing if not predictable.

The other pieces are the gold star and tiny metal guitar that Alex had worn around his neck for months before leaving them with Michael, and even some nuts and bolts thrown in for the nostalgia.

There’s a piece of paper rolled up and pinned in place by a nut, and Alex bites down on his lip hard before he takes the note.

_You’re not getting rid of me that easily._

Alex scoffs and crushes the note in his hand, and leaves the wind chime outside as he heads to the door stuffing his phone back into his pocket.

Like anything about deciding to let Michael go was easy, Alex thinks as he opens the door roughly.

The twinkling peaceful sound of the wind chimes as the pressure released from him opening the door sweeps through the room like a small breath of wind, stops him short.

Alex closes his eyes and inhales deeply.

He finds the light switch with his eyes closed and flips it on.

He takes another deep breath and then opens his eyes.

Everything is back in its place. 

The wind chimes hanging by the windows and high above the entrance to the hall, and by the back door. There were twelve in total, but Alex counts more than that when his eyes swept across the room.

The crystals and glass and metal figurines are back on top of fireplace, interwoven with pieces of the ship manipulated into tiny figures that make up little scenes that Alex vaguely recognizes as things that he and Michael have done together.

On top of the coffee table there is a model of the Airstream which makes Alex actually smile and pinned beneath it is a folded note.

Alex sighs and walks into the room, closing the door shut behind him as he does.

He drops his bag on the couch and the crumpled note from before and grabs the note from the table.

_Alex,_

_I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t think that you cared anymore, and I was trying to make it easy for you, by moving on to someone else so that you didn’t have me hanging around wanting something more, when all you wanted was to be friends._

_I think somewhere along the way we got lost in translation. It was much easier to understand and accept what you were trying to say when we were both thousands of miles apart and you didn’t say a word._

_I’m confused and lost and scared, but there is one thing that I know for sure, and it’s how much I love you._

_I don’t want you to let me go. I never wanted that._

_I’m sorry that I made you think that the only thing that I remember or want to remember about us is the bad stuff._

_You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me and I don’t want to lose you, for any reason._

_When you’re ready to talk, I promise I’ll be willing to listen._

_M_

Alex presses the note to his face and shuts his eyes, feeling the tears leaking out of the corners.

He exhales roughly and pulls the note away, reading it again and then putting it back down on the table.

He stands up and looks around at everything, and feels warm and whole.

He shakes his head and heads to his room, turning the light on and looking at the dream catcher that was rehung above his headboard. 

He walks to his dresser and digs in his underwear drawer until he finds the envelope at the bottom.

It the last envelope that he was supposed to send to Michael when they were attacked. It’s covered in dirt and rust colored stains that Alex really doesn’t want to think about, but it still has the Air Force insignia on it, and Michael’s PO Box scrawled in the front is still legible.

He taps the envelope against his hand and turns around heading towards the door.

His keys are still in his pocket with his phone.

It’s late, but he’s pretty sure that the post office has a mailbox for things left overnight.

Two days later there is a new wind chime hanging right in front of his door, and Alex can hardly contain his smile as he carefully picks it up and carries it inside.)


End file.
